Darkness in lockdown

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Ali went through a dark period during lockdown. The pastor of a church in Bournemouth (UK) felt disconnected with her emotions and lost her desire to seek God.

In this video, she admits having dark thoughts and talks about the shame she felt being a church leader with a troubled mind: “I thought: gosh, if the church knew what I was going through, what would they think?”

At first, Ali could not make sense of the situation. “One day, I asked God: what it this? And the Holy Spirit spoke ever so quietly in my heart and said: ‘this is grief and loss’. And the penny suddenly dropped. In the years before, I had lost both my parents. And now I lost the business and the church as I knew it. I did not process the grief and loss and pain that was involved in it.”

That day was a turning point for Ali, who since then has experienced Gods love in a whole new way. She is still thankful. “He worked everything out for my good. You know, God loved me in my mess, and it was His love that restored my heart.”